Saturday, August 24th, 2024
My sister was 31. She was married to the love of her life and a new mother of 2. She had one son who wasn’t even two yet and had just given birth to her second son in June.
She was happy.
Ashley was living her dream. Her and her husband had a dream relationship, she was able to be a stay at home and spend her time raising her boys. She was happy.
Then… life began to change. Shortly after giving birth, she began to struggle. She had been living a long time with Crohns and Ulcerative Colitis. After giving birth, she had what she thought was a flare up and we had heard it was common after pregnancy. She was struggling eat, keep things down, and live normally. She dropped an extreme amount of weight. I had never seen someone so thin in real life.
She went to see her GI facility. She saw a doctor she had never seen there and they asked her when she’d had her last colonoscopy… a weird question considering she had been going to this facility for 10 years and they are in charge of her care? Her answer was about 10 years ago… the doctor was stunned.
Why would a doctor be stunned? Well. Because that’s not normal. A person with crohns or colitis should be having regular colonoscopies. The doctor at this facility failed her. The new doctor ordered blood work and a colonoscopy right away. Initially, things came back with no concern other than a flare up. They wanted to start a biological medication and Ashley felt devastated. She thought this was the worst news.
Fast forward a few days… Ashley was doubled over in pain and could not stop vomiting and eventually was vomiting bile. We rushed her to the emergency room after hours of stubbornness on her part and it was her fear… bowel obstruction.
Thankfully this obstruction was minor, but between the new medication and obstruction, Ashley was in a tough place mentally and one fear she had had since the moment she was diagnosed with colitis at age 19 was that she had a bigger risk of cancer. So guess what was the one thing we kept saying… “it could be worse, at least it’s not cancer”.
After many days in the hospital, she came home. We thought that was the worst of it, we had no idea that it was only the beginning of an absolute nightmare.
About two weeks later, she got a call. Ironically, it was on my 9 year wedding anniversary. The call was… her biopsy had come back from the colonoscopy. She. Had. Cancer. Her and I always joked after that about how my anniversary would forever be tainted and as we approach my 10 year anniversary and she’s already gone, it’s even more so.
My sister took the news oddly well. I was a wreck, but she was so calm. She thought maybe this was meant to happen, that maybe they could surgically remove the cancer and maybe that would solve many of her issues and flare ups. She was so positive and eager to hear what’s next. Her next appointment was scheduled about 4-5 weeks away, which seems pretty far away for someone who just found out they have cancer…
The. Next. Day… she ended up back in the hospital with yet another bowel obstruction. This one was bigger and required surgery and an ileostomy bag. Her positivity began to dwindle. We also found out it was STAGE FOUR. What the hell.
Getting the text that just said “it’s stage 4” was quite possibly the worse text I’ve ever received. It was surreal. How could that be right?
This is where things get a little blurry. Getting that news stuns you and I think it is safe to say we were in autopilot for awhile. She was in and out of the hospital, but thankfully because of those hospital visits she was able to get chemotherapy much sooner than she was supposed to. We were told that had she not had chemo at that time, she may have been gone within the month. How can this 31 year old woman who just carried a healthy baby suddenly be that close to the end of her life? No one’s brain can wrap around that.
She began to move forward, accepting the bag, getting chemo and trying every possible herbal/holistic option out there. She was positive, she believed she would beat this and that there was no way she wouldn’t be there for her boys while they grew up.
Her main oncologist… we were not a fan. She nonchalantly said that Ashley likely wouldn’t live more than a few years. Ashley didn’t ask for that information. Ashley was determined otherwise and this doctor came in just throwing that out in the same tone as you’d have in a casual conversation. This was her life? Every life is important but cmon… you aren’t talking to a 90 year old who’s lived their life. She was 31, a new mom just beginning her life. How can you say this so nonchalantly?
She began to work with other oncologists, traveling to Boston, speaking with doctors in Texas and elsewhere determined to find more options for her. Those doctors were more positive and we took every ounce of positivity that we could.
Life wasn’t normal, but for awhile there was a new normal, an okay normal. She wasn’t 100% by any means but she was able to do most things. She tired easily but mostly lived normally. We did many of the things we always did. We decorated cookies at Christmas, had birthday parties, dinners, the list goes on.
We were given a false sense of excitement when her scan after the first round of chemo showed shrinking. It was a Christmas miracle, but it was short lived. Her next scan wasn’t as positive. They tried more things, but the cancer wasn’t shrinking. We knew she may never fully go into remission (per the doctors), but this was supposed to prolong her life and we’ve heard maintenance chemo being very affective for many.
She ended up with cancer on the bones in her back. It caused her wild amounts of pain. We also later found out that she ended up with a fracture in her spine because doctors didn’t put her on a medication they should have right away to help protect her bones. The pain she was in was unreal. Cancer isn’t enough? Now she has debilitating back pain which led her to multiple ER visits. It all just seemed a never ending nightmare, I had never seen someone in that much pain in real life. She said multiple times that she felt like she was being physically tortured daily.
Things continued to escalate. Her pain continued. She had less and less good days. They discovered cancer in her left breast, her left arm and leg began to swell, and she ended up back in the hospital where she ended up with a surgery on her kidneys because a tumor was blocking and causing them not to function correctly. This was the beginning of the end.
She was in the hospital for a week. On Thursday evening, I picked her up from the hospital to bring her home. She couldn’t walk, she was so weak. We got her home. She was so antsy to get home and her boys were so excited to see her. But the next morning… she went back and she never returned home.
On that drive home from the hospital, we talked and laughed, we vented and joked and you would’ve never thought she’d be gone just one week later.
We were told on Tuesday that she had a matter of weeks, the next day… they said days. But somehow… she was gone within 12 hours.